Years ago, I’d been dating my husband for a while which meant soon, we’d have to do the whole introduce-the-parents-to-each-other-and-pray-it-goes-decently-well thing. It was impromptu. His mom was joining us as we drove back to NYC and since my parents live an 1hr from the city, my mom invited us to stop in for dinner. I sat in fear sweat the entire 4 hour drive to their house. I sweat when I’m nervous. It’s not sexy
We arrived at my parents house. My shirt was soaked. My future husband headed for the vodka to calm his nerves. My mom was trying to be Martha Stewart, his mom had a death grip on her son for moral support and my dad was just being my dad (i.e. channeling Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld: a NY Jew who is unknowingly inappropriate and asks rhetorical questions while shrugging). He’s also an avid reader of the New York Times.
Turns out K-Y Jelly ran an ad that day for their new product, K-Y Warming Liquid. Today, we all know about warming lubes but in 2003, it was a brand new concept. And apparently somewhat confusing.
Because it was at dinner, with my future mother-in-law seated next to my dad, that he asked the table what K-Y Warming Liquid was. What is it? Who needs it? Why would you want your crotch hot? My dad was discussing female lube at the dinner table with my boyfriend’s mom. It was a moment Larry & Jerry would’ve been proud of.
At the time, I only saw one thing: pure and utter humiliation. But with years under my belt and a shift into the sex market (who knew?), I now think three things:
How is it possible I didn’t why lube was necessary. Either getting wet wasn’t a problem or I was stupid. Most likely, both.
My dad is a family treasure and I hope he gets more inappropriate as he ages.
K-Y Jelly and it’s drugstore competitors are literally some of the grossest things you can put inside your body.
Filled with chemicals like parabens, toxins, and most horribly, glycerin (aka sugar), these products are vagina destroyers. I mean, sugar?! Know what yeast loves? SUGAR. Why would you ever, EVER coat your vagina it?!? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? The worst part is NO ONE TELLS WOMEN THIS! Obviously the big lube companies don’t want to admit all this but they really should be required to put a warning label on them. “WARNING! This product is toxic and will completely screw with your p.h. levels. Use at your own risk.”
Luckily, today’s lube don’t sell women yeast infections. Natural, non-toxic ingredients are the norm. Paraben-free. Glycerin-free. 100% hypoallergenic. That’s what you need to be looking for. As a self-proclaimed lube addict and evangelist—I think every woman should be using lube. With toys. Without toys. Lube just makes everything you’re already doing better. Zero downside—I’m thrilled we mamas can use amazing products that are actually GOOD for our privates. Preach!
How cute are these?!
My current obsession are Pulse lubricant pods. They’re all natural, come in sophisticated little pumps that could pass for skin serums, and feel delicious. Honestly they could be a body moisturizer, that’s how luxe they feel. IMHO, women design the best sex products. They know our bodies and they know what we want: quality ingredients, effectiveness, easy to use, and travel friendly. These lube tubes are game changers and totally necessary. They’re the anti-drugstore lube. True story.
My dad hasn’t brought up lube since that dinner, although there was an epic Q&A when Fifty Shades hit the scene. I feel like I should tell him about Pulse. He’d probably be legitimately interested. But maybe that would be embarrassing. To normal dads.
This post is sponsored by Pulse.