Sex makes people insecure. Bad cook? So what. No sense of style? Don’t care. Unsatisfying in bed? Ego destroyed. Let’s be honest: of all the places in our lives where we want rave reviews, our bedroom performance is probably #1. We can handle being subpar other places. But in the sack? We most definitely cannot handle that.
Which is why, for many, introducing a new sex toy for the first time can be a little nerve racking. Will he or she think I’m trying to replace them? Will they see their skills as not being enough? Will they be too proud to use it? The fear of offending is real.
But how much would it suck if we couldn’t have insanely good, orgasmic sex just because we’re scared of hurting our partner’s feelings? So while it’s fair to be nervous he or she might not take the suggestion well, there are actually ways to gently (and successfully!) get your person on board. Here’s how you do it:
Step 1. Text a picture of the toy.
Why text? Because it allows them to save face. If the idea initially offends or rattles them, they can have their insecure moment alone. Processing in private protects the ego. This is a good thing. And if YOU’RE nervous or embarrassed to suggest it, you get saved from having to say it face to face. Win-win.
Step 2. Say you have a fantasy about the toy that includes them. Something like, “I saw this and couldn’t get the image of your using it on me out of my head…”
Why a visual that includes your partner? Because he or she will think of your sexy bits and instantly get turned on. Big time. Arousal is tied to visual stimulation which is why this image is essential. They need to imagine you getting down and dirty WITH THEM. It will make your person feel a PART of your fantasy and not REPLACED by your fantasy. Very, very important.
Step 3. Ask them if they want to use it tonight/this weekend/etc.
Why suggest timing? Because it gives him or her something concrete to look forward to. They now know that their hot partner wants to have crazy sex SOON. That’s pretty hard to say no to. It starts a countdown in their head of a guaranteed hella good lay. That, my friends, is called anticipation and it’s the #1 aphrodisiac known to humans.
Step 4. Sit back and wait for them to buy in.
My guess is it’ll take them 1-2 minutes to respond. Possibly less if they like sex.
Introducing a sex toy can be scary. You have to manage feelings and egos. You have to be honest about your needs and what you like in bed. It’s hard. But if you do these simple steps, you’ll be able to approach it with minimal embarrassment and maximum results. Because c’mon, isn’t a sheet-grabbing orgasm worth a little Jedi-mind tricking? Hell yes it is. Hell yes.
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