I haven’t given a blowjob in over a year. I haven’t done it for his birthday. I haven’t done it for our anniversary. I haven’t done it for Father’s Day. But before anyone gets all sad for Lumberjack, trust me when I say he’s ok with it. I’m not saying the guy wouldn’t love some oral sex. I’m sure he would. In fact, I know he would. We’ve talked about his blowjob dry spell. And it’s not that I have a moral objection to blowjobs, or any oral sex for that matter. In fact, to be a total hypocrite, I love me some good cunnilingus. It’s how I had my first orgasm so it has a special place in my heart. But I just think my blowjob days are over. Never say never but it’s on a good hiatus right now.
Here’s the thing…I talk to women all day, every day. And I talk to them about sex. The sex their having (sometimes good, sometimes bad), the sex they wish they were having (a mighty orgasm and some good ol’ fashioned fantasizing), and the sex they just really, really wish they never have to do again (anal usually tops the list, although there are some unicorns out there who love it). Given how much I talk to women about their bedroom antics, I think I have a pretty healthy picture of what we like and what we don’t like. And while sexual proclivities abound and vary from woman to woman, I am willing to wager my soul on the following generalization: most women do not enjoy giving blowjobs. It’s just a fact. Sorry guys. We kinda hate it.
And while there may be some of you out there ready to discredit me because you love giving them, most of us do it because we know our men love it. And I will admit, there can be something extremely hot about turning your man on that way. It gives a sense of power and dominance (while simultaneously being submissive, which is actually pretty tough to achieve) and when done well, can be very satisfying. A sexual pat on the back, if you will. Like, “Yeah buddy, I am hot, I am good in bed. Take that!”. But even with all that, I just hate it. I’m sorry, I do.
I wasn’t always like this. I used to be a blowjob aficionado. I was…skilled, shall we say. I was… renowned, if you will. I read an article in college that gave the top 5 tips for driving him wild with oral and I used it like my playbook. I got rave reviews. I had no problem whatsoever doing it. But in the past few years, maybe as my actual intercourse experience got more satisfying, I let that skill set lag. The sex was so good we didn’t need the foreplay. He didn’t push for it and I didn’t initiate it. It just sort of died out. And now I have zero motivation to revive it.
I know there are lots of you who feel the same because you tell me so. Lots of you are doing it because you are trying to avoid actual sex (a consolation prize, of sorts) or are doing it because you feel you have to. Very few of us do it because we genuinely love it. Yet ask any, and yes this time I’m saying ANY, man what he would love more of in bed and 9 out of 10 times he will say blowjobs. So we have a divide, don’t we? He wants them. We hate giving them.
Which begs the question, can I completely eliminate this act from my sexual repertoire or should I just find better ways to deal with doing it? There are ribbed sleeves you can put on him so you only have to deal with the head instead of deep-throating. There are lots of tricks and hacks to make it easier on ourselves. Here are a bunch of great articles telling you how to give a killer BJ while not gagging. They have some good tips and are probably worth a read.
But I’m going to be honest, I feel like my distaste for giving them overrides his pleasure from them, which might be selfish considering Lumberjack is an incredibly giving partner in bed. But I really think sex, even foreplay which includes oral sex, should be something you really, really, REALLY want to do, not something you feel like you have to do. Because there is nothing on this earth that builds resentment faster than giving your body to someone when you didn’t want to. And that’s sort of how giving a blowjob feels to me these days. It might change later on. And Lumberjack will probably jump for joy if and when it does. But for now, I think I’m ok with drawing my line there: no blowjobs for now. Hot crazy sex? Yes. Blowjobs? Probably not. But don’t feel badly for Lumberjack. He’s going to be just fine 😉 XOXO