This will surprise no one but date night is my favorite night of the week. When I have one on the calendar, I think about it all day. From the moment I wake up to the second the date starts, I’m counting down the minutes until Lumberjack and I are together, drink in hand. Why? Because it’s a moment in the week (or month) when it’s just you two. When you can feel connected again and desired. When you can remember why you picked him all those years ago and remind him of the same. It’s a 4 hour, adults-only vacation. Sound dramatic? Maybe. But that’s how I see it. I anticipate it like a vacation. I prepare for it like a vacation. And I enjoy the hell out of it like a vacation.
Here’s the thing…date nights give me everything I need to feel my sexiest and to really adopt the idea that Lumberjack and I are still dating, if only for a night. And there’s magic in that. There is. Because when I’m wiping runny noses, and running to pick-ups and drop-offs and forgetting to shower and just living life, I loose myself and I loose the “us” that keeps Lumberjack and I connected. And if I don’t schedule date nights, then that loss just gets deeper and deeper and frankly, that’s a lonely place for me to be. And while I love being alone, I don’t handle lonely well.
And I know it’s not just me. Every time a friend or a client tells me that they feel really disconnected from their spouse or that they’re fighting or they haven’t had sex in weeks, I always ask the same question: when was your last date night? And they always have the same answer: a really long time ago. Boom.
That’s why date night is maybe the most important thing that I commit to in my relationship. And while this is probably not new information for you, how I approach date night might be different and I think it makes all the difference. Gone are the days when Lumberjack and I just go out, have a few drinks and a mediocre dinner and maybe wind it up quickly shagging before we roll over and go to sleep. Nope. Nowadays date night is special. It’s precious. It’s sexy. And if you’re not making it that way, you’re missing out.
So…how do you take your date nights to the next level? Lots of ways. Here are a few of my favorites:
The element of surprise: Instead of having your standard Saturday night date, plan a surprise one. Call or text him that morning and tell him to meet you out or to run home and change. Book the sitter, pick a place and tell him it’s on. He will think it’s super hot that you made the effort to want to be with him and the element of surprise brings a newness and novelty to your routine that always amps up the sexy quotient.
Get his name tattooed on your body: No, not for real. I’m talking about faux ink. My makeup artist does this with all her brides on their wedding days and I thought, “brilliant date night move!”. Take a sharpie or some waterproof black liner and write his name somewhere special. Hips, side boob, stomach…anywhere you can picture him kissing you. Then reveal it when the time is right and watch his eyes light up with surprise and desire. You will be tapping into some very latent, evolutionary needs for ownership and it will spark some very hot “man, i need that woman right now” feelings. Watch. So sexy. So simple.
How cute is this?!
Start flirting BEFORE the date: I flirt with Lumberjack constantly. But when it’s a date night, I really lay it on thick. I will send him a little text in the morning (even if it’s a weekend and he’s standing across the kitchen island from me) with a little hint as to what’s to come. Leave a printout of a new sex position on his wallet with a “wanna try this tonight?” note. Or if you’re feeling bold, send him a hot sext to build anticipation for the night ahead. And that’s the key here: build anticipation. Why? Because it’s an aphrodisiac and it’s almost essential to hot sex. The more you can think about the possibilities of the date, the more hot and bothered you’ll both get and the hotter the final payoff. Anticipation is magic and flirting beforehand is a great way to build it up.
Spend time getting ready: I know life is crazy and we all have kids and nutty schedules. But…if you can find time to really ready yourself for the date, you’ll feel WAY sexier and that sexiness will seep out of you in a stream of sultry pheromones that will be sure to get both his and your blood pumping. I’m not saying you need to take hours to get dressed. I’m just saying spend some time doing whatever you need to do to feel your sexiest. Before my date nights, I make the sitter come over earlier so I can selfishly ensconce myself in my room. I spend time on my hair. I spend time on my makeup. I make myself feel beautiful. And when I feel beautiful…well, it’s on.
Lingerie: Men are visual. It’s why (most) men love lingerie. Really sexy lingerie is not made for everyday. It’s made for special occasions. And date night is one of them. You’ve got two ways to go here…1) wear something sexy underneath your clothes and tease him that it’s there (you can even invite him into the restaurant bathroom to take a look) or 2) save it for when you get home and tell him to meet you upstairs in five minutes. Either one is a great call. Either one needs to become a standard part of your date night routine. I promise it will make you feel sexy as all hell and it will make his eyes pop out of his head. Both are what you’re going for in an “amp up your date night” situation.
Since it’s chilly tonight, I get the chance to rock this look under my outfit. Think he’ll like it? Doesn’t matter because I do!
Toys: Some sex toys only have a place in the bedroom. But with a little creativity, some can be weaved into your date night to really take it to the next level. One of my favorites for doing that is the Ovo R1. Basically this is a toy with a remote that you let him control. Insert the toy before your date, slip him the remote across the table and let him decide, literally, when to “turn you on.” He can buzz you to his heart’s content. It’s like fooling around in public but oh-so-privately. It’s ridiculously sexy.
Sexing up date night doesn’t need to be difficult. But it does need to be done. You deserve to feel sexy. You deserve to feel desired. And you deserve the amazing sex and connection that can come as a result. So book the sitter, make a reservation and tell him it’s on. And then do it again. And again. And again. xo